When I Grow Up…

Dreams start small

The other day, I was on Rainn Wilson’s site, Soul Pancake, where I saw this question:

Are you disappointed that you are not what you wanted to be when you were little?’

I remember being a kid and my mom telling me that I was going to be a doctor. And for a long time, I believed her. I didn’t really know why I did but I knew that’s what she wanted. Then there was the time that I wanted to be an entertainer/rapper/dancer. Stupid Kriss Kross dreams. Then I wanted to be a basketball player…then I realized that my skills were good but not great. But I never really knew what I wanted to be job-wise. I did know a couple of things though: I wanted to be a good family man. I wanted to make my family proud. That was it. The job thing was all over the place because I changed my mind all the time. I didn’t want to be a doctor after I sucked at science and math (more so I didn’t apply myself). I’m not THAT entertaining and at this point in my life, I don’t like having to be ON, if you know what I mean. Basketball? I can barely run down the stairs without feeling queezy.

I do hope everyday though, that I’m a good hubby and dad (though I KNOW i STILL need more work) and that my fam is proud of me and what I’ve accomplished with my years. That’s a cool feeling. Could I have been a doctor? Maybe, but I think that what I’m doing now would have still happened. It would have still came about somehow. It’s funny how even with our own plans, there is One who has the who chess game figured out. And when you get to the spot that was destined for you, you’re never ever disappointed. You may be frustrated at times, lonely at others but you’re never disappointed. To me, disappointment is a complete letdown, like a movie that looked ‘preview good’ but then ended up being a waste of time. I’ve never felt that with what I do. It’s exactly what I am and who I am and while at times it can be predictable, it’s far from disappointing. It’s easy to get disappoinTED in things (wasted potential in others, financial difficulties, lack of visible ‘successes’, etc.) but if you love what you do and know that you were made for it, even those things aren’t really disappoinTING. They’re more reminders that life isn’t always fair or easy, like  the days when you were dreaming about what you’d be when you grew up while in your footie pjs. Life is work but I think that when you find what works, it becomes an adventure. An adventure that I dare not trade for anything. Would be it cool to be a ball player or rapper or doctor? I’m sure it would be (I’d have no student loans that’s for sure!) but I wouldn’t have my family and that trumps every jump shot, music vid and surgery. I’m thankful that there is One who knows what’s best:)

Crazy…I wonder how many jobs Eliana will dream but before she walks into her OWN destiny…?

What about you? Are you disappointed that you’re not who you thought you’d be as a kid? Is where you are now at stop on the tour or does it feel like the end destination? What did you want to be when you were little? Is it still possible? Think on it.


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