Rockstar, Big Dreams & Having Fun (a letter to my 2 year old Ellie)

I remember when I was about 5-6…

…I had a birthday party and got the best gift ever: a giant police car…with lights, a siren AND a walkie-talkie on it. It was loud, obstructive and awesome, just like me. Everyone loved it. I played with it until I went to bed, imagining a life as Sgt. Chase on the Montreal streets, taking out the law breakers, refusing bribes and always getting home in time for supper. It was a great dream. It was the best toy ever.

The next morning I woke up and ran out of bed earlier than normal, with a heightened expectation to play with my awesome toy. Yet it wasn’t where I left it. I looked through our whole house and couldn’t find it. I asked Mom and Dad and they said they moved it but I’ll see it later. I was deeply upset until about 5 seconds later when I was distracted by something else (I was 5-6…try to get a kid to pay attention for that long.). But every so often, even as I got older, I would wonder about my police car and dream of being a Sgt. I would imagine being in my room, no lights on but the blue and red of my car, its siren on 10 while calling into the station.

Years later, Mom and Dad told me they got rid of the car on the night of my birthday after I went to bed and put it in storage, later called the garbage. They saw the lights, heard the siren and saw the walkie and thought, “Nope. This toy’s gotta go!” No more Sgt. dreams. No car. I still dream of that car.

This past weekend, Ellie turned two. And during her small birthday celebration, she got a microphone set that comes with its own stand, mini stage AND buttons for claps and applause (from dinky small jazz club claps to Bieberific one). It’s a narcissist’s dream I tell ya. And from the moment she turned it on, Ellie “Twinkle Twinkle’d” all day, performing original songs as well as well-known favorites as per request. Oh yeah, there’s NO volume button on it. So it’s loud and echo-y all  the time. She even REALLY rocked out at one point, knocking things over mid-song (Click on the link to see her in action)! It was fun. And as I watched her mumble, fumble and bumble her way to entertain everyone around her, I vowed to never put it in storage or complain when it’s really loud and annoying. I realized that as her dad, I need to let her dream and catch her when she misses the star she was trying to catch.

Dear Ellie,

You’re a musical kid. It’s easy to see it. You sing on pitch, you have rhythm, you know how to hold(and pretend to strum) a guitar AND play drums. And you love a crowd. You love to make people laugh and to show off. You get that from me. Sorry:)

You may grow up to be a rockstar, kiddo, on stages with all the light and fame to go with it. If you do, stay humble. Everything you have is a gift.

Remember what you told me when I asked you where Jesus is…in your heart. Shine bright & give your all. I’ll be with you every step of the way. And let me say, that doesn’t have to be what you wanna do. Whatever you do (pending it’s legalities) I will be proud of. I know you’ll help and affect many…it’s all over you.

Yet there will be days when you don’t feel that support from people around you, or days  you feel like you’re not good enough. Those days are unavoidable, sweetie. But on those days, I’ll pull out that kiddy mic you got when you were two and you can sing “twinkle twinkle, little star” all day and night till the confidence comes back. And I’ll sit like I did on your two-year old birthday, with a huge smile that says, “that is MY kid! MY KID.”

I’ll always be your number one fan. You’ll always be famous to me.

Never stop dreaming, Eliana.



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