A Note From the Future

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Scene: Chris Chase, mild manner 30 something walks to his mailbox. Upon opening it he sees, through the promotions from gyms and pizza pizza, a letter with a 4D stamp from the “Canadian States of Mexfinland.” Even stranger? It is address to him. Even stranger? It is from himself. With a puzzled look and sense of bewilderment and constipation, he opens the letter…and reads….

——-

Dear 2012 Chris (or me from the past),

I know this is hard to believe but this is me, as in you from the future. This isn’t a gag letter or a chain letter. This is real. How do I know this? Currently you are wearing yellow jeans and a navy blue shirt with a yellow bow tie.

(Chris looks down and he is wearing exactly what was described by himself, but NOT himself…but himself…)

Yeah…told ya. Anyhow, I just wanted to give you a heads up on a few things so you can warn the others. Now, you won’t find any sports scores or cool patents to impliment ahead of your time. This is strickly things for you and whomever you choose to share this with (Ed: which is at the time about 13 people. Thanks for reading). Some will shock you. Others won’t surprise you at all. Either way, i felt it right to send this to you, which was in itself a huge ordeal that cost me 5 lego pieces.

Oh yeah, our currency is lego. If you have the green grass pieces, you’re making it rain. Except for anywhere. Making it Rain is illegal. Diddy and those crappy southern rappers did it one too many times and someone got a massive paper cut. Two episodes of Maury later (He’s still alive, BTW), Making it rain is dead.

So anyhow, here are some important facts:

  • You were right about LeBron James being on HGH. Doesn’t matter though since he became the chancellor of Paraguay. Say something bad about Sir Bron and its Hunger Games for you. And they ain’t like the movies. No odds. No favor.
  • Remember in ‘The Lorax’ when all the trees were gone and they had fake ones? That hasn’t happened but The Lorax is actually real. And owns a bakery. And half of Apple.
  • Golf is now played with two balls. One is explosive. Makes it really hard now to win.
  • We found out who let the dogs out. He’s dead now. Not cause we killed but simply due to old age.
  • Due to the treaty of Verswag, all hipsters are arrested for not trying at anything at all.
  • We’ve gone back to baggy jeans. However, we’ve kept the skinny shirts. Let’s just say it’s really ugly and most weddings are shameful displays of fashion gone wrong.
  • Justin Bieber did NOT age well. Wow.
  • Taylor Swift is still surprised when she wins stuff. Only because she has the forgettums now.
  • Becca is still your best friend. She is also part owner of your least favorite sports team that hasn’t been invented yet.
  • No one uses Facebook. Instead they do this thing where…how do I say…they leave their homes and spend time together…it was hard at first but we’re getting the hang of it.
  • Conan finally got his show back. Then lost it again. He’s so trusting. It was the 4th time.
  • People still say bro. No one says bud.
  • Ellie and Liam are good. You’ll be proud of them both.
  • There STILL aren’t any hoverboards. Back to the Future 2 was so inacurate. Sorry I meant inaccurate. I misspelt it when I blinked and moved my eye keyboard.
  • People still fight over selfishness, hurt each other and the like. But we are quicker to forgive and help each other. People’s prayers did get answered.
  • Reality TV has been replaced by live plays being put on in your home. You actually rent actors. I watch one show a month due to high demand.
  • The fear of God is still the beginning of wisdom.

Well, that’s about it bro. I must send this quickly before President Snooki and her information guard come for me. Yeah…that Snooki. She got bit by Peter Parker’s spider. Now she runs the clubs. The chess club, art club, french club and the regular dance club.

Future Chris

P.S. Oh yeah, you’re going to lose your keys in like ten minutes. But don’t worry! I figure out a way finally to never lose them. I just keep them ov– wait…Dang! Becca bro, where are my keys.

(Ed. It’ll be fun to see how outdated some of these references will be even up to two years from now…)

Random Thoughts for This Day…

…It’s quite disturbing that people still use rollerblades to travel. It’s so impractical: You need to have shoes in a bag THEN carry your blades everywhere? Dumb.

…Four Weddings on TLC is one of my favorite new shows. You know its good, man.

#seewhatIdidthere is my new favorite hashtag, especially when it makes no sense at all to what I’m trying to say…seewhatIdidthere? Exactly my point.

…So people still use pay phones? Does that mean that I should bring back out my pager? Cause THAT won’t make me look creepy at ALL, right?

…Facebook isn’t cool anymore.

…I’m really loving reading 2 Psalms a day (aka #2aday). If you’re not doing it yet, you should try it out.

…The Dark Knight Rises is…I have no words…

…I think I’m enjoying bright skinny jeans more than I should. I tell ya, I’m the straight black Blaine from Glee.

…Being back on Twitter has made blogging random thoughts a bit harder because now they’re being tweeted rather than blogged.

…As we get older everything gets too loud.

…I really need to use “bro” more in sentences and greetings.

…I wish we knew more possible babysitters in our area so Becca and I could do more dates. I miss dating my wife. There’d be a problem if I didn’t.

…I need a summer TV show to go with my 30 for 30 documentaries…any ideas or suggestions?

…LeBron winning a championship is a direct reminder that games aren’t won on the floor. They’re won in executive suits by old dudes who were good at calculus or finding oil. But by no means am I hating.

…Dark Knight Rises…Dark Knight Rises…Dark Knight Rises…Dark Knight Rises…Dark Knight Rises…

…If I could travel back in time, I’d go back to 3 mins ago and plugged my laptop so it wouldn’t die mid sen

The Decision (A play of many parts)

Interviewer: So Chris, how are you doing tonight?

Chris Chase: Man, I’m good. Nervous but good, you know what I’m saying?

Interviewer: I do, dawg. I really do.

CC: No you don’t but that’s okay (chuckles)

Interviewer: So. Here we are, time for your decision. How did you come to this…decision?

CC: Well, I’ve been thinking on it for some time now. I spoke with my family a lot, got the nod from my lady (points to his wife Rebecca in the crowd and gives her a smile. Rebecca blushes and smiles back), and then I just decided.

Interviewer: So how many people know about your decision?

CC: (Looks at his laptop)…um, about 56 people know right now. Maybe more but 56 for sure. I can’t really worry about who knows and who doesn’t but I guess this public declaration/waste of time will fill the rest in and from there, the decision will be on them. You see what I did there? I turn the topic of the decision-based my decision on everyone else (looks to heaven quite smug, then realizing that he is in front of a crowd changes his face to humble. No one buys it.). What I mean is that I haven’t gone out of my way to make this news public at first. Those who know know and others will know as they know, which I think is cool.

Interviewer: That was a bunch of nonsense. So what was your decision, since you already MADE it beforehand.

CC: I’ve decided or rather, I decided to go back on twitter.

Guy in the Crowd: You mean I skipped work AND plates for that? You’re on twitter? You SUCK, Chase. You could have just tweeted that.

CC: Ummm, technically I did…why did you skip work, man? That’s weird.

Interviewer: Okay…so why did you initially leave twitter?

CC: Well, I had been thinking about it for a while. I really had fun with it when I first found it but a couple of things changed. One, I was spending too much time tweeting. From little things to big things, my phone or iPad was always waiting to say something. Two, which is an extension of one, I was on my phone all the time. Someone once asked my daughter what kind of instrument my wife plays and she responded by saying piano. When the same question was asked about me, her reply? The phone.

Eliana Chase: (from backstage) It’s true, y’all!

CC: When a two-year old says that, you gotta make changes. Three, my esteem was low. I saw a lot of my friends making godly tweets and instead of being inspired or driven by them, I was embarrassed that I either had nothing to say/add OR was convicted that I wasn’t there in my own life. So then I tried to act it which made me feel worse. There’s nothing worse that adding to low esteem by pretending. Nothing.

And fourth, I needed to know how to better use it. I lost that in trying to be like everyone else (book quotes, Bible quotes, leadership lines, etc.). Plus, everyone wants to be retweeted and when you’re not, it’s like a kick to the face, especially when you think it should be!

Interviewer: So, then you left, correct?

CC: No, first I went on a media fast with my young adults from (gets really loud) RESONAAAATE (upon saying that, a group of young adults stand up and cheer. All are wearing yellow skinny jeans.) for our retreat to focus our mind on Jesus. And when we got back, I decided that I didn’t want to be on it anymore. And so I think my last tweet was on Jan 17th.

Interviewer: And how did that feel?

CC: Pretty cool. Liberating, actually. I actually found that because I didn’t see people’s updates, oh yeah I was off Facebook too, I could actually ask people how they were doing and not lie about it. Also, I was on the computer and phone less because there were no messages to respond too. Plus, I was able to recalibrate my brain and heart to remind myself that my esteem should come from God and not from retweets. I know I should know this but humanity is a funny thing.

Interviewer: But now you’re baaaack. How is this time different? What made you make that change?

CC: I made the change because I’m a nerd for social interaction, especially with friends that I rarely get to see. So first I put my old twitter handle to bed because He had a good run. Then I made some rules for myself:

  1. No twitter on my phone. I can only tweet when I am in front of my computer on wi-fi. So it has to be well thought out before going online.
  2. Protecting my tweets. With tweets protected, I can’t have anything retweeted. Less things to worry about for my esteem:).
  3. No overtweeting. Having a good number is good. It’s okay to not have a tweet one day or two. And because I don’t have it on my phone, I really have to remember stuff throughout the day and get the words right to have it nailed. Plus I don’t want to have that overtweeting rep.
  4. Balanced tweets. It’s okay to mix the sacred and the secular. It’s okay to think and to laugh.
  5. Know your audience. I don’t have anyone on my tweet-list who doesn’t believe what I believe so I don’t plan to preach at them. My audience is good friends, so I can be more myself than before on my old twit handle.
  6. Let it happen naturally. No seeking people out and no trying to get sought. If someone finds and follows, awesome. And if they don’t, that’s cool beans too.
  7. Have fun.

And if I can’t keep those rules, then I’ll again recalibrate and then slowly return. Again.

Interviewer: Well, I am happy that you wasted our telecast with your story (voice dripping with sarcasm)

CC: That was rude. Let me te-

Interviewer: (Cutting CC off) And that’s all the time we have for tonight. Sorry Matt Damon, we’re out of time. I want to thank Chris Chase for this interview and his decision. In the words of Jeff Hackett, all the best. You can find Chris’ new twitter handle by typing in –

(Screen cuts to black.)

FIN