The other day while I was fabrezing my beard, I logged onto my WordPress to see the movement of my latest post. While doing this I noticed something quite…unnerving. Someone did a google search for me. Now before you say, “Calm down there Mr. Narcissist!” Look at what the search was (this is not made up):
Now that’s pretty crazy, isn’t it? First, I’m not google worthy. Secondly, HATE? Wowzers! Like the person couldn’t even just search my name or my work or something but that they actually “Hate Chris Chase.” And it’s not general hate. Nor is it invitational hate (as in Let’s hate…). It is personal hate…and its something that I’m sure they didn’t expect I’d ever see.
So I saw that and my mind went racing to figure out who would do such a thing. I mean…I am loud and while not as loud as I used to be, I do get up there in volume. I sometimes put my foot in my mouth at the pain of others, but I am much better at saying sorry now than I was back in the day. Could it be someone from my old youth group (I do wish I had more friends from that time in my life at times but life is what it is…)? Someone who I spited accidentally or maybe purposely? Could it be Frank Grimes (go to 0.21)? So then who could it be…this really bugged me,
Because no matter how confident you are, especially if your identity isn’t found in yourself, or something/one else but rather in Christ, you still want to be liked or even loved by others. Call me weak. I call it human. We’re all built for relationships. No one is above wanting to be accepted. Even snobs want love. Even bullies want love. Bullies bully cause they don’t know how to ask for love. And when you find out someone doesn’t like you, most of us, when we’re alone get really bothered by it, even if for a split second. And trust me, it sucks (if I had a dime for how many time I got blamed for a friendship flame out i’d have at least 25 cents). The weak part is when you can’t get over it, i guess.
So I got pretty sad. Then angry. Then wanting to find a way to track the person down and simply ask them why…then I decided to create a back story for this person…and that made me laugh a lot. Cause it was good.
Then, after 3 hours (or so…) of laughing to myself I realized that I wasted my time on this person’s anger/resentment/unforgiveness/fear/narcissism/sad googling/mistake (hard to believe but there is more than just 1 Chris Chase in the world) and realized that “haters gonna hate”, I guess. And even if their anger is justified (albeit not gone about in a healthy manner) I’m no better if I sit there and hate them back or even dwell on their hate. So, I decided to leave it. Until I blogged about it…and went through it again. But now I’m fine…i think…lol.
I guess the beard really isn’t for everyone. Real Talk.
…And to my friend, the googler…It’s all good. Thanks for reading the blog anyhow. Hopefully we can make amends one day. And if not, I hope you have diarrhea for a month…
(*added today) I guess I also have to admit that we all have hate in our hearts too. I mean we all don’t like/trust/accept people. There are some we connect with and others who we don’t as…easily. I need to work on that in MY life as well. Love (and hate) is a two way street…
PS. The beard lives on. The beard drinks hate and produces grey hairs of wisdom.
PPS. I normally have my phone on vibrate but when it’s on loud, this is my ring tone –