My Problem With Forgiveness


Forgiveness sucks. I have a HUGE problem with it. Forgiveness? More like forgiveMESS. 

Dumb pun. My bad.

Here’s my issue…

Forgiveness forces me to get over something I’ve gotten used to holding on to…like a favourite shirt. The shirt is ugly, it’s embarrasing and no one likes it but it’s my shirt.

Forgiveness forces me to realize that the person who hurt me may never actually find out that they hurt me…and be okay with that. (There’s nothing more annoying that not knowing you hurt someone only to have them come up to you and say, “You know…I forgive you.” You reply, “For what?” They reply, “It doesn’t matter anymore because I forgive you.” And they the separation of friends begin. Been there?)

Forgiveness says that justice and revenge isn’t in the card…and that retribution isn’t mine but rather Someone else’s.

Forgiveness says life isn’t fair nor is it about winning, in fact, forgiveness is about losing.

 Forgiveness is something that has to, yes HAS to, be given. It’s not something that’s a PROCESS or an “over time”. It’s a right there and now.

Forgiveness can’t be earned like a pay check or promotion. It is a gift that can’t be begrudgingly given but rather offered no matter what. (If I are make someone earn your forgiveness, I am being what they call…revengeful and spiteful.)

Forgiveness is a human choice enabled by Spiritual power and sustenance. It sucks because it means depending on someone other than myself.

Forgiveness is about other people and not about me…and when I am hurt, it’s all about me. Unforgiveness when not treated is narcissism at it’s best.

Forgiveness means someone gets another chance, when they really should get a backhand.

Forgiveness means following the example of one who was rejected by many, turned on by many, spat upon, mocked and later killed for his beliefs but said, “We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force (Dr. Martin Luther King, I Have a Dream).”

Forgiveness means, “I am not right and you are not right” but rather “I love you and let’s move on.”

Forgiveness means forgiving someone not to be an example to them but to simply do it.

Forgiveness takes guts and doesn’t allow for glory.

Forgiveness heals and allows for repeated hurt.

…forgiveness sucks mainly because it means being like Jesus when I really want to live like the devil.

But without forgiveness, I might as well be dead…and I like living.


So today. I choose. To Forgive. To let go.

And I when I wake up tomorrow, I plan on relying on the strength to do it again.

Because I still am human you know. And bearded.

What does forgiving someone mean to you? How has it changed how you look at yourself? Others?


8 thoughts on “My Problem With Forgiveness

  1. Great topic and as always great insight. Thanks for sharing, it is a hard road to follow Christ in the way of forgiveness. As one who has difficulty with this issue, what helps me is remembering that Jesus didn’t judge me or expect me to change or even recompense him before giving me forgiveness, so how can I possibly expect it from others when I; unlike Jesus, am so imperfect and flawed. God have mercy on his children and give us his vision of how we should live.

    • Thanks PD! Forgiveness takes on so many layers and at the same time, removes many off of us. I often get comfortable with the layers, I guess. Many people do. And it’s a daily thing, not just for that moment. Urgh!

  2. This right here is why you need to be consistent in the updates. The post causes us to redefine our faith into one that properly portrays our God and yet leaves enough room for the sarcasm that points to the fact that you are preaching to your self as well.

    Good word friend.

  3. It’s Really hard for me sometimes to know that I MUST forgive. I’m learning that I can’t do it out of obligation, but relying on His love to manifest & transform my heart so that I can be capable of truly forgiving. It’s the only way to make it real.

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